The Strange Map of Nutrition

The Strange Map of Nutrition

Take an empty plate. Add the food you consume throughout a regular week. Eggs, bacon, steak, beans, bread, chocolate, potatoes, rice and chicken. Now, take a picture and post it online, asking people which items you should remove. In a few minutes, your plate will be empty.

“Never discuss politics or religion in polite company”

We could add “nutrition” to this quote but it’d be redundant, given that nutrition is equivalent to politics and religion for many people. They are injected to our dietary choices, whether we like it or not. Personality traits form clusters around diets, creating ideological narratives you have to adopt if you choose to follow them.

Have you noticed these patterns?

The Carnivore Diet

The quintessential, meat and water-based. It attracts people from the right-wing political spectrum, usually trad-conservatives. They’re as bland as their food. They conflate meat consumption with masculinity and traditional values, unironically.

You’ll find that they are against basic principles (like calories in, calories out), they cherry-pick studies, and they adopt any view that opposes the medical consensus a priori.

They are orthorexics that drive themselves to metabolic inflexibility and iron/copper dysregulation. Because brain fog from eating a piece of fruit and dumping iron monthly is the definition of healthy.

The Vegans

Plant-based. Left-leaning individuals with pronouns in bio and neurotic tendencies. Usually, atheists that lack moral conviction so they overcompensate by adopting childish beliefs and premade value systems.

Even though veganism and anti-capitalistic tendencies are a package deal, their very choices and habitual behaviours are a product of hyper-capitalistic societies. They’re either eating imported, mouldy fruits or they’re gobbling down a mountain of processed, fake meat. Their body is their temple.

Veganism works for the first few months to a year. Once the methylation cycle crashes, the infamous neverending “detoxification” begins. Brittle nails, skin break-outs, sarcopenia. A perpetual hangover state.

The result? Severe nutrient depletion, lack of teeth. Potentially annoying.

The Ancestralcel

Gene-based. This is an umbrella term describing many different diets based on what we think our ancestors ate thousands of years ago, be it Palaeolithic, hunter-gatherer or another derivation. Genetic determinism, marketing vectors, and a fetish for the past characterise this group.

They capitalise on people’s need to find their identity and purpose in this world. Somehow, implicit in their recommendations, emulating what your ancestors ate in the past will bring you closer to finding yourself.

Depending on the diet they promote, you’ll find that there are multiple spin-offs of what constitutes an ancestral diet. It’s practically impossible to pin down exactly what people consumed in the past, given that nutrition was localized. And even if you did, our way of life and the demands of our modern environment would be incompatible to these diets.

The Supplementalist

Supplement-based, there are Zoomers who have been eating Skittles for a decade until they stumbled upon r/biohacking. They suffer from somatic illusions, thinking they can feel how every little biological process is affected when they ingest L-theanine.

They’re microdosing a gazillion of pills, liposomal vitamins, and trace minerals to cope with their low-libido and hypercortisolaemia. They end up becoming obsessed, trying to find the perfect combination of micronutrients. But they rarely lift weights.

Brittle-minds. Expensive urine. They think their existential dread will be solved by mega-dosing magnesium.

The Metrosexual Bro

Whey-protein based specimens, attracting your average gym-rat that always wanted to look better. They spew low-bro fitness advice based on 1980’s muscle magazines. Consequently, they disregard every conversation that attempts to go deeper as overcomplicated.

They believe that the best advice comes from people who have six-pack abs, even if it is completely unfounded. Using their large social media accounts, they peddle overpriced work-out routines you can find online for free/ Online marketers that happen to lift weights, often because their mind demands it.

The Esoteric Brah

Glycine-based. Boiling down human consciousness to a few memes about semen retention, orgone therapy, and raw meat. They’re a mesh of metrosexual bro and supplementalist. Primarily content aggregators that scour the internet for novel findings that will fuel their social media addiction.

You’ll spot them trying to elevate the simplest acts (walking, sunlight, etc) to the most divine and inspired activity. Attention seekers. They care more about digital than real aesthetics. They know nothing of esoterica outside of the most overhyped aspects of it.

The Evidence-Based PhD

Evidence-based. They’re always right until they’re not. Something that happens every year. Liberals, using their credentials, they think they represent the medical consensus, while in reality, there’s no such thing as a medical consensus when it comes to nutrition.

They rely heavily on epidemiological studies but for some reason, reject a mountain of anecdotal evidence. Obsequious people who believe in “scientism” and blindly follow the mainstream advice, while remaining completely disconnected from their own biology.

Cognitive Identity

Saturn devouring his own child.

Nutrition represents our most intimate relationship with our environment. There’s a give and take relationship with the physical world that’s facilitated by food and water.

But the moment monetary incentives started influencing what we consume, our health was delegated to advertisement, big corporations, and political parties. In a sense, we’ve lost our ability to perceive our energy needs and plan accordingly.

So, it’s natural that we seek authoritative figures to tell us what to consume, but the adoption of a strict diet without the proper context being present is an antagonist to harmony and lacks the ability to cope with the variability of the environment.

It becomes an even bigger issue when grifters try to high-jack other aspects of our identity, trying to conform it to the philosophical ideas adjacent to these nutritional plans.

Given the state of our food supply, it’s imperative to be mindful of the things you put in your body. You just have to avoid the ideological traps surrounding the health and fitness industry first.


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